A corner couch and a lonesome SOUL...

When We go our ways.

2011-12-11T12:19:00.000-08:00

We never knew each other (and we are coming to terms with it now)

This is a point when we all are at different places, with different people, and with different priorities to be taken care of.

"When Life gives you a 100 reasons to feel sad, show the world that you have 1000 more reasons to be happy."
This was one of the forwards that has come to my phone a lot of times and has had a particularly specific impact on me.
Talking of which, I want to punctuate that when My life gets slow and makes me feel low,
Your memories are the only reasons that brings back my smile to my face.
Each difficult situation that 'm put into, I bring myself to imagine what if you (sagarika/anjali and manjita) were in my place? What would they do?
And I try to get as close to the solution as possible.

With three sultry summers spent amid the most unusual of people, circumstances and places, Life had thrust the most difficult of challenges without us letting know of it..
Remember the times, when all of us had developed an unspoken hostility among ourselves? When we were totally clueless as to why is the other one behaving in that way?? We tried to decipher (failed miserably though!) and still we clung to each other both in joys and in sorrows.

Starting from the most vulnerable situations, I learnt a lot from each one of you!
Anjali B Nair, I was the closest to you, and from the most skeptical to most specific decisions I have been in I know where I'd to turn to. With you I learnt the art of tolerance, the science of humility and the ability to keep people close. You are the most warmest person I have come across and I m thankful to all the forces (divine, non-divine) when I met you. I can completely understand about your present times and you are certainly working very hard. I pray that you get the best of what you are expecting...... I love you machi di.. And I terribly miss you...

Manjita machiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii and what not! :) :)
You know words will never be enough to describe what all of us shared. This group would have been totally non-existent if you had not been a part of it. I m glad Kolkata happened and most importantly even if it was for 5 minutes, I could see your teary eyes... I m not quite sure how are things with you but 'm pretty sure that You are doing great and you will continue to do so. If its destined we shall keep meeting and next time definitely not for five minutes! I love you and miss everything that reminds me of you!

Sago! My counselor I'd call you as! :)
You know when I m on the verge of brushing my emotions under the carpet I m reminded of you! Remembering all the mature talks I had with you post wrong decisions and actions, I still have that urge to have you around me. With months passing by since the last time we met in CCD, I get too emotional :(
And I try to hide my tears from everyone around me. It happens that when I want to be left alone I have this whole crowd around me invisibly hounding me. With a desire to NOT face these people 'm constantly reminded of you. Because a msg or two with you, gives me that gratification that someone is there to listen to my woes. You know that day you called me to get my views on Occupy wall street for your bulletin, I can be so sure about seeing an extremely sassy and beautiful news reader that the Indian TV channels are awaiting! :)
I know for sure, I still can write you and tell about what 'm going through. Whether its a new guy or the old romance, all the dirty details ;) which I can think of :P
I miss you...and 'm waiting for the train to chug off from CTC to Chennai Central on the 23rd night :)

Dear angels,
When I sit to write these words, I m guided by my heart that is filled with all those old memories that we spent with each other everywhere and anywhere.! When we walked, we made a few heads turn, raised a few eyebrows and invited people to look at us in awe at the same time! Funny it might sound, but I found myself in my utmost comfort zone when I was with you.
Even when I'm here, I keep fantasizing whether or not we will always be together or not?
I want to be no matter where I'm. I want to stay in touch, vent out myself and tell about the most deepest of my secrets to all of you. I know now who I should boast of when I m asked about my Friends! :)

With this I close my never-ending letter that craves to speak even more!
I love you and I miss you all (even more)

Love, Hugs, etc.
Yours
Machi/Double Battery/Negss!

PHOTOGRAPH-- Nickelback

(Look at this photograph
Every time I do it makes me laughHow did our eyes get so red?And what the hell is on Joey's head?
And this is where I grew upI think the present owner fixed it upI never knew we'd ever went withoutThe second floor is hard for sneaking out
And this is where I went to schoolMost of the time had better things to doCriminal record says I've broke in twiceI must have done it half a dozen times
I wonder if it's too lateShould I go back and try to graduate?Life's better now than it was back thenIf I was them I wouldn't let me in
Oh oh ohOh God I
Every memory of looking out the back doorI have the photo album spread out on my bedroom floorIt's hard to say it, time to say itGoodbye, goodbye
Every memory of walking out the front doorI found the photo of the friend that I was looking forIt's hard to say it, time to say itGoodbye, goodbyeGoodbye
Remember the old arcade?Blew every dollar that we ever madeThe cops hated us hanging outThey said somebody went and burned it down
We used to listen to the radioAnd sing along with every song we knowWe said someday we'd find out how if feelsTo sing to more than just the steering wheel
Kim's the first girl I kissedI was so nervous that I nearly missedShe's had a couple of kids since thenI haven't seen her since God knows when
Oh oh ohOh God I
Every memory of looking out the back doorI have the photo album spread out on my bedroom floorIt's hard to say it, time to say itGoodbye, goodbye
Every memory of walking out the front doorI found the photo of the friend that I was looking forIt's hard to say it, time to say itGoodbye, goodbye
I miss that townI miss their facesYou can't eraseYou can't replace it
I miss it nowI can't believe itSo hard to stayToo hard to leave it
If I could I relive those daysI know the one thing that would never change
Every memory of looking out the back doorI have the photo album spread out on my bedroom floorIt's hard to say it, time to say itGoodbye, goodbye
Every memory of walking out the front doorI found the photo of the friend that I was looking forIt's hard to say it, time to say itGoodbye, goodbye
Look at this photographEvery time I do it makes me laughEvery time I do it makes me)
PS: I was meaning to post the video, wi-fi issues. :(

Gone with the Wind?

2011-12-08T15:11:00.000-08:00

With the open window by her side, with nothingness depicted on the dull walls of the opposite block, this doesn't necessarily come from her heart.

A conversation over the phone that lasted for at least an hour or so.. With an emotional outburst that took place inside her, she is reminded of what she spoke and most importantly what she was told:

Caller: Do you or not love me?
She: Uhm.... Well I Like you now.

Caller(almost about to yell): What are you saying? Do you even realize what you are trying to do over here?
She: I know. I dont think its working anymore?

Caller: Why? What happened? Am I doing anything to you? Have I shown any less love to you?
She (Trying to explain herself): NO. You don't understand. Its not you. Its this place, I m not able to cope up and give you that kind of time.

Caller: So whose mistake is this? Why din't you think of all these things when you first got along with me? Now do you realize how much you are hurting me? You were someone who has impacted me so much, someone I go on painting the town about telling that you are that someone, I respect you so much and this is what I get in the end?
She: I hadn't anticipated all this.. I cant envision a future here :(

Caller: Do you realize how immature you are sounding right now?
She (sobs): Yes, maybe I m .. But can we just go our ways before anything else goes wrong? Why is it that I have to explain myself so much?
I m unable to handle it and that's the end of it.

Caller: So are you dumping me?
She: Don't get into this new age vocab and make it look like any other affair. Its not easy for me. Try to understand.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Yes! The kind of fights that she has been having over a period of time. Over relationships, over not showing love, over being busy and above all not being committed. This time she is clearly haunted. Unable to see through this hazy picture that she painted ahead of her. What went through her mind she was quite clear about, but was not capable enough to deliver and clarify.
What bound her with him was this inseparable feeling called love..That which was in those conversations during nights, that which was unspoken of when with people and in public's eye, that which wanted a physical intimate reverie, with aspirations to grow old together, and stand for each other.

So what went wrong?

She separated. She got a new lease in her life, with new people around her in a far flung land away from the humanity, and she was carried away....certainly she was. No she din't find a new person in her life. She just got carried away. Now she had brand new goals, and brand new priorities, with a brand new agenda to just live her life in an utmost important way. Make her presence felt and feel important. With this new hope and this new dream, she wanted to step ahead, leaving all that had taken place in the past.

But is past always past?

It keeps punctuating the moments that have made a difference altogether to one's life. When spoken of leaving that piece of history where it's meant to be, nothing but resent was shown.

Hasn't she a choice of herself? Abound to the person she loved once upon a time, when it comes to her situation why isn't she understood? Why is she always disturbed?

She is confused! She is loved! She is bound to these cruel societal norms.
She doesn't deserve you. You are deserved by someone who will be equally committed. If you understand what she is going through, she will be more than satisfied.

She will linger eventually with time and will live with the best moments that she had with you...

Give her a chance and you might find out that she is right on her part.

I miss.

2011-12-03T08:36:00.000-08:00

Lying alone this thought comes by
realizing with time how moments gave passed by.
Is it all falling apart or assembling into a beautiful
entity?

Circumstantial it's when you are not around,
few times when you are there with me,
the minutes fly soon,

Thanking for the gift I found in you.
Whether or not we stay together forever,
these momentous times with you are
the most precious ones that I seek...

Reminiscence Struck.

2011-09-09T11:05:00.000-07:00

I wish I had a time machine to get back to those memories when I was myself and I was happy!

Deliberate blunders

2011-08-28T12:48:00.000-07:00

Yes,

I want that perfect life to happen to me.
Is there anything that is wrong about it?
I think it's perfectly normal.

Being less skeptical and more certain,
about me,
about you,
about them,
about everything
for that matter.

There is this constant bickering
that takes my peace far far away,
making me question myself over and over again
about things, that seem petty
but are altogether important

Still things go wayward
no matter how hard we try
try to make it work,
to settle,
calm each musing that takes
place.

Restless I become,
Give up
write some pointless thing (yes like this one!)

Sorrows keep soaring,
And so does the number of
sad numbers in the music
playlists.

And there's a voice that
whispers in sarcasm,
sigh of relief,
sigh of contentment
and that smile

CAN wait!

Osama’s death: A long term enigma (but who cares?)

2011-05-28T13:15:00.000-07:00

Yes, the most long awaited day had arrived, when the world woke up to the news of Osama bin Mohammed bin Awad bin Laden being gunned down by the United States federal Bureau of Investigation on the 2^nd of May. The utter enormity of this incident that was carried out with such articulate secrecy makes the world think about the entire situation, especially India. Osama Bin Laden, who was on the American Federal Bureau of Investigation's (FBI) lists of Ten Most Wanted Fugitives and Most Wanted Terrorists for his involvement in the 1998 U.S. embassy bombings will be a part of the History books for generations to come.

The whole incident that was an apparent order by President Barrack Obama in an operation by US intelligence agencies also seems quite bizarre. Forgetting the number of tweets by the celebrities and the general people expressing their satisfaction, it gave the world a lot to think about the US and its role. US seem to have taken this decisive role to play, in situations that breed from terrorism oriented grounds. The most absurd qualm that first comes to our minds is the absurdity of Pakistan’s claim of not being aware of the fact that Osama was residing at a place that is an hour’s drive from the capital city of Islamabad. Not only this, the city where Osama was caught and killed was a military base for Pakistan’s Army.

The next thing that makes us think is this sudden outburst about USA keeping the operation a secret from the rest of the world after publicly announcing a number of times about their intentions of killing their enemy number 1. I still continue to question, whether USA has taken this as their prime responsibility to eradicate terrorism entirely and that too all by themselves? Well, at least in a general case taking permission of the government wouldn’t have hurt. But there is this eyewash about USA of being the most powerful and resourceful country capable of doing everything and anything and whenever it wants to and this is how it usually escapes of being the culpable one. Although this event has given many among us a chance to rejoice and celebrate thinking that one of the major root causes of terrorism has been killed, well it also is thought upon as one of the political ploy that is being played by the USA.

While most people around the world have believed this fact that terrorism will be coming to an end, we also find a group among us, who do not want to approve to this. When I asked a couple of my acquaintances, especially those who belonged to Islam, what I found were a reaction full of mix emotions. At one point where they are also rejoicing Osama’s death some of them do not agree to the ways which USA adopted to carry out this operation. They say that what Osama was doing and what he ever did was definitely noble as it was for the atrocities which his people were facing, but the path that he chose was wrong. But it doesn’t mean that what USA has done is to combat terrorism, it’s still deeply engrained and its end is way too far. What has happened now has reduced the fears off the people’s minds that were instilled by the very name, Osama.

On a bilateral front, this incident again raises questions for our country which are extremely pertinent. We have experts claiming that the terrorists behind 26/11 were also from Pakistan, but if we ever replaced USA in what happened on the 2^nd May, how will it be taken, still remains the most debatable question. We have also been replied by Pakistan when we spoke “Osama” in harsher warning terms about the consequences that we are likely to face if we ever try something similar. It’s a known fact that Pakistan never leaves a chance to harbor a sense of animosity against India.

So what we are left with now post Osama Death fiasco are an endless number of qualms that do not have an answer. It still appears to be an unsolved mystery that has left some of the countries in doubt, of whether the state of Pakistan the way it is at the moment that is totally cool should be the way it is? We will never know! US-Pakistan relations in spite of all odds are still constantly flourishing with USA supporting Pakistan in every way possible. It seems practically weird to the common man.

The most important question among others is whether to believe that the world has changed for good post Osama’s death or will it further perpetrate terrorism with the left out insurgent groups around the world. Will USA continue to invade these groups which usually breed in the grounds of Pakistan, and keep getting away with it after gunning down one terrorist after other and rise as the superpower to the world? One should not in its dreams ever forget the seemingly “forged” camaraderie that USA and Pakistan share which as mentioned earlier is mysterious to most of the countries in the world. So whether it is Pakistan or any other country for that matter, will USA just walk in and implement its secretive operation there? Because they want to prove that they will and shall not forgive those who are against it?

Osama’s death has certainly stirred the world and most importantly the diplomatic and strategically important relations of the USA with other countries, especially India and Pakistan. Whether or not his death has brought any changes will depend on anything that ever happens due to terrorism in the country of USA or India or in any other country and the reaction which will be followed. This too remains the most uncertain and enigmatic question that will be debated during the prime time on the major news channels in the coming years!

You Fail to Understand :-/

2011-03-13T14:47:00.000-07:00

I don't get it, No I really don't.
Whats with YOU?

It really hurts.
It does.

What am I culpable of?
Of Loving you LESS.

My Love is there, yeah it's
Its there in all those small
things I express and I find convenient.

It's revealed in those messages
I write coyly.

It's there in the joy to
see you smile.

It's there when

you are next to me

Standing/stitting

and talking.

It's there when

you catch me looking

at you (I accept I rarely do that!)

Call me shy, or call me narrow,

I'm and I'll remain the same.

Why do I change?

For what do I change?

Some philosopher must have said,

It's hard to understand women, They are

too complex,

But YOU atleast take that initiative!

I'm not as hard as I seem.

Because I cant reciprocate

to the number of times

you express, doesnt mean

I don't LOVE You.

Bah! You and your strange

conclusions,

Did I tell you how much they

upset me?

I wish you could

for once UNDERSTAND

what I go through.

Just once maybe.

--Insanely Sane Soul :)

Source: Internet

Happy 2011

2011-01-02T13:45:00.000-08:00

Another decade has come to an end!

Weird is what i have discovered lately, how everyone, each person on this planet (ok don't count the orphans, aged and the urchins) feels celebratory about yet another year going away? I mean to ask, its one more year going, you growing older, maybe the moments which you have had in that year thats gone behind you, will never come back again? Times will change, prices will go high, government will change and therefore you'll have to yet again in your strive and struggle to "adjust" go on, competing to get to the standards of the on-going trends!
Here to me, it occurs again whether to say, happy new year?! or just stay quite and say a thank you for your wish, even if you have not spoken a word to me in ages! and this one day out of the blue you say a happy new year without knowing the bad mood i might be in!

HOPE, this is what we live for, and keep an endless wait for! Hope can be an asset for anyone and it doesn't has any particular barriers of caste, creed or society. We live in this hope that the things wil get better, no matter what goes wrong. We don't want to take that extra effort but actually sit and hope for the desirable to take place.

SUGGESTION, something which each one of us including me, mind you, despise of all. We know that our elders or equivalents or even younger sometimes do have experience at different levels, and yet we're not ready ot take them. Its very hard to see and digest someone else more successful than us. Its deeply enrooted in us and its hard to ever come over it!

DREAMS, we are not limited to dream. Infact, its one and the only psychological phase where in we can actually live what we want to be as, let it be the Sachin Tendulkar,Owe that dream BMW, Or be it The Aishwarya Rai! Noone has a control over them except you.

So my message for 2011 will be: Hope less, Work more.
Take suggestions, they do work sometimes,
and have dreams, you don't have to pay for them!

My resolution for 2011 and i hope i stick to it!
TO USE BLOGGER MORE OFTEN, WRITE JUST FOUR LINES MAYBE daily, BUT keep HONING my WRITING SKILLS and GROW...

HAPPY NEW YEAR! (Oh what a hypocrite :p :p)

Invictus

2010-12-12T09:51:00.000-08:00

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll.
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

(The last four lines have ahad a particular impact with me, as i read about Nelson Mandela in a magazine, it was this poem from which he drew inspiration during his prison years at the Robben island)

Confusion

2010-11-04T04:05:00.000-07:00

Cryptic thoughts,
rattling words,
endless dreams

a clueless soul.

Wandering aimlessly,

unable to concieve,

repeatative redemption,

lost in a looney land,

No voices to be heard

Deaf in the noisy world

Mute among the morons

unable to

take a decision.

Dilemmatic,

Lost

and

Waiting.....

Love ??? o yeah okay :P

2010-10-01T14:01:00.000-07:00

I feel liberated and i feel secure,
with each passing day I gather
some valour to keep myself aware
of the world around me and not totally lose
myself in you.

I like it when you're around, and
a tear trickles when you're not there.
with your arms clasped around me, I know
I'm strong.
with all those dreams being architectured with
our lives connected, I wonder how it'll be like

Smiling endlessly without any reason, waiting for
the next dawn to rise just with this happiness in heart
to meet you, to see you smile at me and to "just be with you"

Nothing much to say, cause I'm going with the flow
and believe me its taking me to a Makeshift world of my

own. a world that's full of smiles and has no room for sorrows..

I might sound a little crazy, but I'm writing what this heart's speaking....

P.S. :Readers please note, you're most welcome to kill me for this, as I've no idea if this makes any sense or not.....

They are more miserable

2010-08-08T05:25:00.000-07:00

Smiling through misery

cant help... but whining over my problems one evening, i came across similar looking people with a very bad stink, the worst was the condition of the baby who was looking no less than a malnourished kid from Somalia.. it then struck me that what i m constantly crying over, is far less in intensity as compared to these people sharing the same space that i was in.......... i hope i come over my problems soon and so do they...

Write Write write!!!

2010-06-16T08:10:00.000-07:00

Yeah ok
I'm... I'll
Yeah so here i m to think and scribble something
But my mind can't come up with anything right now :( :(
ummmm ...... THE CAMPUS WALK........ Bah!!!!

I din't get to participate in the orientation program when i joined college... and maybe thats why i had to pay for it while i'm the member of the CUS (College Union Society) now...

Met a few NEW people too... day-college students, and finally came to know the LnD convenor and so the entire CUS cabinet (will it make a difference? well it has just added to the quick interaction ability of mine ahem ahem!!)
Got to know of places i din't even hear of in the past two years (as if i care!!)
Still had a tiring walk with a herd of freshers who went on giggling for no reasons (or maybe at me, whatever), shy group of first-time college goers ..... reminds me of my first year too but i know it won't take them long to gel into the atmosphere that this college provides and it will be soon when they will have the attitude of being an MCCian..
Laid-back and relaxed... rest everything is left to time..

I have walked a lot :(

and yeah most importantly i met MY PEOPLE :) :) after a long long time.... which reduced most of my weariness
anyway rest when i'm really in the right mood o WRITE :) :) :)

(hope it's read by someone :P :P)

Among the Blackberrys (20 days at 20:20, Chennai)

2010-06-06T13:42:00.000-07:00

Yeah its the last day in office tomorrow...... last day with people who are a part of "corporate world"

quite an experience.... got to perceive a lot, and observe too.... will miss my revolving wheel chair, computer and facebook :( :(

but taking back along with me a lot of memories to cherish....

like

my next table colleague's hunger spanks!!! a real foodie, hungry every 10 minutes but cute smiling sweet female to chat with..... i still dont know why she slams her desk phone afer talking to any xyz...

hmmm zam, trendy, sassy, today's girl... lively and really good looking

someone from here, hmmmm always smiling, and one call to his name, he will spring out of his place and will come to your rescue.....

the 1st person i see once i enter the office, she will speak in a typical english, but you wont mind... reason she is just nice... always helping

the handsome boss who loves to harass hos employees for no reason!!!

the strict looking manager, always with a serious look on her face, never seen her smiling,

a detailed person, goes deep into whatever little you ask him

branch head now, very cute smile

hmmmm my interviewer, who looked punctual but is actually chilled out.

the other lady always smiling and cheerful no matter what

hmmm volkswagen guy reminds me of a friend... always travelling.

gave me an office caution too :) :)

i made a mess by saying press conference to a press release, i was assigned the first work of writing a press release and not a press conference by him :P

.and its his wedding anniversary on the day i'm leaving....

and last but not the least..... chechi..... trying hard to know my lunch contents "chappati" neha madam...(ahem ahem!!) my evening coffee .... thanks to her :)

the VCs with Chennai, mumbai, delhi, pune, hyderabad all talking simultaneously and smiling at each other :): ), conference room lunch, friday morning training at 7:30 (bah!! hard to keep your eyes open)

everyone has a typical distinct feature different from one another... all are experienced ... m no one to judge

last day tomorrow, cryptic about how will it be like

i have someone else to replace me from day after onwards....

i wish i could have some more days... to be a part of it

just a few more days

but everything that starts has to end

so will this

and it has

goodbye 20:20

thank you all :)

(for making me LEARN)

hope to meet you all soon :) :) :)

It was my choice...

2010-04-30T07:53:00.000-07:00

Sitting on the corner bench in the park,

She comes daily to notice the peculiarity

of the statue's arch.

often sits there for long hours

wondering her countless thoughts and

painting her endless imaginations

battling with her loneliness,

searching for her existence,

lost and tired she realizes,

it was her choice

sitting on the same bench for nearly a decade now,

she recounts the days that have gone,

almost everything she has, that she ever wanted,

nothing to complain about, or nothing to regret.

still there are cryptic thoughts that haunt her all day long....

bidding her daily goodbye to the statue and its arch,

she drags herself to her only home in dark,

here she's surrounded by four blank walls,

her only friends who sometimes turn her most

worst enemies

slowly undressing, looking into the mirror,

she observes herself, her countenance, her figure

recalling her youthful summers that have gone...

realizes if things would be any different

and after a few sighs,

her naked reflection mockingly remarks,

"so wasn't this your choice?"

suddenly?

2010-03-14T01:52:00.000-08:00

Blogging--- a text msging session with a dear friend explained me what it is.... i hope it helps me in some positive way. Happy Blogging to me :)