Beginnings and everything that comes along...

On flipping through the wedding/bride special femina magazine in my dazed state, i happened to figure out how will or should it be for me?
It doesn't need to be big, fancy with five thousand people pouring over just to hog over food and give fake blessings.
It mustn't be too small an affair to not even make a flutter in the so-called 'society'.
What it should or must be a good day, packed with anxious moments, surprises, happy and not tense moments because I'm the girl.
How should it kick-start?
the boy must must must be tall. He cannot be my height. I'm not asking for good looks, I'm demanding good substance in your head and heart. Likes, dislikes must find some middle ground. And you or your folks alone don't get the right to choose me alone. Me, Aayi and papa also get a say.
if there's a possibility, i don't want to just get a ring on my finger, and show it off around, telling the world, I'm taken.
Lets get to know each other. Lets become friends, enjoy each other's company. Because this company will last till death do us apart, remember?
With lifestyle, living patterns, interests changing almost on an hourly basis, lets adapt to one another. Take a friendly trip, go dining, drinks, theater or films.
Lets hold hands in public and start displaying a little affection. You see, we're getting comfortable now, i really hope you get me. I don't have issues, but i cannot trust you entirely too. You have to sweep me off my feet, make me feel loved in some proportion to live together forever.
I don't say as a soon-to-be better half you wouldn't expect things! Humanity survives on expectations:)
that's why i stress on communication. Because lack of it will be disastrous and i say this out of personal experience.
When you see a mutual spark, you're allowed to kiss me (surprise me!) Lets seal it there. You and I go home, again communicate the decision to our folks respectively and fix on a ring exchanging day. Lets not get into the hassles of the 'muhurtham', I feel we deciding with the help of a local priest should just do the job. The day can be any of the seven of the week, but why not to have it on a day we first met? Lets try to signify the days, the occasions, and therefore the moments!
I don't like crowd much, what i like is a genuine crowd. So let it be a small group having people who have been so important to us in the form of family, cousins, colleagues and friends. The best part about having them around is that they will be happy with us in our happiness. And mutual happiness means lots of almost positively charged vibes. Oh! And look we just got engaged darling! (I suppose we're at the liberty to call names, but lets not make it look like puppy love, I'm not used to it)

If spoken in proper Hindu culture, if we're engaged, we're half married. We don't get the license to boss around still, ok? The actual work begins now. I have come to believe that I'm pretty much capable of living by myself and party on my own terms. This means i need to have my own space. I'm quite tech savvy too. Smartphones have brought the world closer shrinking it further. It's not a bad thing. But i need you to not call/text/Whatsapp all the time. Lets fix on a particular time everyday. Lets meet every week. If you or I happen to leave the town, lets be there to receive at the station or airport. Little things matter. These will contribute to the big picture.
Instead of getting a tag of being engaged, lets know each other more. Lets avoid anger or rage of any sort. Understanding is the key.
It's going to be like a fun ride, only if we want it to be the primary element. You're allowed to advise me when I'm stuck, and i hope i get the same rights too, because i will keep referring to those pre-engagement days which we spent to know about each other. Let there be a rule of sorts. Agree to disagree, disagree to agree and vice versa accordingly. Will too many rules spoil the fun? Don't know! We'll figure it out.
all this looks really time consuming. It does to me as well. But I'm hoping it will all be worth it. I want less of bickering and yelling. I don't want to argue for the rest of my life and find each other sett the house on fire in the fit of rage. Why? Because we didn't work on the foundation of this togetherness.
I'm looking for a happy ending to pave way for a beautiful beginning. Nothing less nothing more. Lets talk, and lets do this. It's got to be worth it.
(To be continued)

Never enough

Have you read, learnt, explored, written, watched/seen, travelled, dreamed, loved, missed, pondered, listened/heard, taught, helped,communicated, sought, cringed, cried, yelped, thought, and lived enough? Well, now is the time. And if not, do it like NOW. To life.

Out of the blue a bizarre thought

I'm sitting alone by myself, Virginia Woolf in my company. Can't take in a word even 20 pages away, seem to be lost in nothingness.
With air so warm, and ground beneath so cold, the thought of an unknown you surfaces out of nowhere.
This unknown you has no name just a face that I have been dreaming about lately. An urge to lie in your strong arms when the whole wide world is concerned about everything trivial.
The street outside has a million distractions whatsoever. But the mind just seems to be affixed on you.
A hope that this thought subsides, yet this urge to see this unknown you for real!

Suddenly reality dawns as it occurs to me that you don't actually exist! With highs and lows aplenty, you take form of a million thoughts that run in my head otherwise.
I don't want to let go of you, because the very image of you and your countenance brings a smile out of nowhere.
I wish you were for real sometimes, and sometimes I wish you were there...

I love you...

Three little words, magically beautiful.
words i want to wake up to
words i want to sleep listening to words in the middle of nowhere, just to simply convey, you're there

Words to caress your presence in my heart
to silently smile the moment that thought comes by

You say these and I will somehow survive in that moment.
Staying assured of an entwined entity, beautiful and precious...

Trembled soul within craves for that longingly searching deep in your eyes...
someone to share this life with in moments when I can feel best, even when I'm at my worst......

Note(s) to self

Write when you can,
Write when its (heart/head) craving to put something on paper.
Write because you are able to, and others are not,
Write, it will help you soar
Write, when you get bored!

It needn't be a page long thesis, it needn't satisfy who look here
Write because you were made to

Noone asked you to become Rosseau or Shakespeare,
It just need to pacify your soul.
There lies no point in sitting, glaring and waiting

Cause you are not helpless or hapless
You were designed in a certain way
Maybe designed to (a long pause)......... WRITE!

*Sigh*

Courtesy: Google Images

Written with pure guilt, and with a strong hope to scribble, and never stop!

-NS


 

Working class heroine!

April 2012 brought her to the city of Nizams.
With a whole new month to show apparent dedication in the organization that showed willingness to take her as an intern.
Deccan Chronicle, a new destination seemed easy in the beginning, with a hope to get absorbed and become a part of the organization after the so called Internship. (That has yet another dawn-of-realization related post! Some other time maybe:) )
With three other classmates, this was one place that became a source of learning, contacts and not in aiwain but the Hard way. A boss who seemed no less than a strict school headmistress, an immediate boss, very todayish and some other senior people!
The month passed with multiple rejections and all that followed after that. Anyhow 4 bylines and one joint byline was certainly a confidence booster:)
As the internship came to an end, one of them had already earned an job :) #happy
Last day, they went around meeting the headmistress first who apart from giving the normal 'where you went wrong and what you'd have done' lecture made everyone realize their worth, in short aukat dikhaana:D
Chalo, ab ghar chalein hum :)
Depression struck child she was chided with the post internship phase, lest another chance came by. A new organization, a new post, an opportunity to grab, work and improvise over... Struggles will be many, but there will be a way out. Ever optimistic :)

-NS

P.S. Next post about what NS does.

~ Living on a prayer ~

Voyaging through.What Life gives us, and what we want from Life? :-/

Its been a while that I have actually posited anything concrete.
This I hope to write in a plausible way to let open a way to initiate some rational conceiving. Thoughts that follow later is a matter of time. Usually depends on an individual's perception.

Sometimes Life puts you in a situation you don't to be in. But then you just can't help it. Its just happens. This includes people, place, events and similar things that happen involuntarily.  As you grow old things keep happening to you in an indirectly proportional way! There seem very few things that want to happen in your way.

That perfect love you had always read about or watched in the movies, that lyrically soulful song that makes your heart go warm, those uninterrupted thoughts you(we) cloud our heads with, and all those unexplained things that we go through, it occurs to me in a nutshell and also leads me to think with a notion whether or not it is good to live a life in imagination?

We expect and with bout of every emotional instance we come across we happen to be in a situation of quid pro quo. While all of this happens, we happen to shuttle between things, come across people, some become close, some you don't want to even look at, decisions you make for yourselves, for that someone who might be with you for a lifetime. Just in the middle of all this, you want to take a moment for yourself, pause the world, live in the times  that have gone by, do things that you had wanted to for yourselves.

In that amber colored fame which you have earned for yourself or the same that you are struggling towards, you pray for the times when you can be the person you wanted to be, with times, moments, people and places, all which are according to you. Sitting alone with surmounting thoughts that are running in your head, and those million conversations that you are having with yourself.

Amid all this that disguised persona that you have worn for yourself with the passing seasons makes you question your own existence. Is this when you want to question everything that's happening around you? The What if? times dawn upon you.  The mystic reality takes a toll over you, and it just becomes a little hard to cope up with things.

The very thought of Loving someone, living in the moment, having the best of times, friends, food, and equally good things that lead to that perfect life make an earnest entry in your heart. The desires become endless and time subsides accordingly. What remains are just memories behind...sweet, bitter, funny, implicit, explicit, intimate and the like.

Everything happens for a reason. With or against one's will. Wilderness gets its ways and so do the other complications. The struggle continues to take  The fact that we live with them makes us what we are. The reasons to ponder over remain where they were, unanswered, untried, and unsolved.

The present desires include a warm day with everything impeccable with a happy ending and a peaceful slumber that will wake the soul in yet another equally beautiful dawn.

Yet another hope that is so very hypothetical in nature!

PS: Don't know whether I have made any sense, but some thing that Dr. Seuss has said seems quite apt here. "We are all a little weird and life's a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love."